The day started as any normal Wednesday does for any normal couple, with me giving Sara some diamond earrings, packing our bags, and heading to the airport, normal. (You're damn right I'm going to tell you that's what I got her, you should all know, I'm wonderful.)
Moving on, I would like to send a big thank you to Tracy, Sara's longtime friend for driving from Kenosha to take us to the airport. That was very nice. Though, I do not apologize for manually opening and shutting your fancy back door of your SUV. One, the automatic open/shut goes far too slow for me, and two, I'm not used to fancy things...I'm just a lowly commoner. Ok fine, I'm sorry.
|Rainy Milwaukee = Bad|
We flew Southwest Airlines, and if you paid attention, then you'll have read that we got our tickets whilst at the airport. Apparently, a big no-no if you fly Southwest. See, Southwest has the world's stupidest boarding procedure. It's first come-first serve. Which sounds great in theory, but often leads to people not being able to sit next to each other. Well, thankfully, we were able to score two seats next to each other still, way in the back. Southwest has great employees and great prices, but seriously Southwest, change your boarding procedures!
The flight, as most flights are, was fairly uneventful. There was some heavy turbulence over Indiana, which I found to be no surprise since I've recently made Indiana a nemesis of mine. Otherwise, we just fiddled on my tablet for a bit, read Sky Mall and made fun of the stupid gizmos, slept, etc... We made a stop at Tampa, where we were able to move up to the front of the plane, and then we took off and landed in Fort Lauderdale. There was this nice family, with very well behaved children who we talked to for a little bit. It turns out they were also going to be making the drive to Key West for a family member's wedding, so it was nice to know that we weren't the only ones crazy enough to make the long drive through the keys. Also, I will note, flying over the everglades is sort of creepy, just miles of untouched nothingness. It did remind me though of how much I distrust alligators, ancient ornery assholes is what they are to me. Another thing I distrust, the ocean and ocean life (foreshadowing?)!
As we stand waiting for our luggage, there's this group of, well rednecks is the best way to describe them, yet they had an aura of wealth about them. They were loud, annoying and quite rude working their way through crowds grabbing their luggage. I also assume they had some money by this one dude's girlfriend...let's just say she didn't have a lot of realness about her. I hate to stereotype, but I'm assuming money is what keeps this girl with this guy (she was also rude and annoying, so maybe they were just a match made in everyone else's hell). But, it's the airport luggage claim, I'm sure they won't be seen again. I mention this, because it's odd to see rich rednecks (more foreshadowing?).
We were only staying in Fort Lauderdale for one night, and that one night was Sara's birthday, so I wanted it to be nice and chose a hotel accordingly. As we pulled up to the Hilton Beach Front Resort, I remember that nice hotels equal being served, to which I'm not comfortable with. Immediately, the valet asks for my name, then another valet worker asks my name....then I have to give my name to the guy working in the valet booth. THEN, the bellhop comes out, and I have to give my name again. I'm getting irritated as well as confused as to what proper etiquette is. Ok, we're inside and I check in, then another bellhop comes to me, and I swear another person had said "enjoy your stay Mr & Mrs Thompson" (I had Sara's name listed as an additional guest). Now, I'm following the bellhop, he pushes the elevator button for us, opens our door for us, puts our luggage down for us, even asks if the temperature of the damn room is acceptable....because as guests, we're not allowed to do anything for ourselves. I don't like this, maybe I'm just a bumpkin for middle of nowhere Wisconsin, but even if I become hugely wealthy, I'll never like this. He does warn us about the step onto the balcony, a warning we both fail to heed multiple times (You had to step over about a 6 inch metal hurricane flood protector thing, stubbed toe city). Anyways, I realize that while I have cash, it's in Andrew Jackson form, not George Washington....so the poor guy got $2 in crumpled up bar cash. I assume that's not a good tip, so for that sir, I apologize and feel bad! But, I quickly stop feeling bad after he left, and I throw on some shorts and we prepare for some dranks on the beach!
|Drinks at Kahunas|
A couple weeks prior to leaving, Sara said if there was one night we do a fancy dinner, it was for her birthday. So, we investigated possible places of fine dining, and we both agreed we wanted to go to Shula's On The Beach. A fine steak venue with a view of the ocean, it was perfect, and personally, I can't argue with what Coach Shula says I should eat. So, we made reservations.
Back to the hotel room, where I was disappointed that the staff, who made sure to do everything for us, failed to put champagne and chocolate covered strawberries in the room like they were supposed to. So, I called, and then they came, and I laugh since on the envelope it stated "Mr & Mrs Butteris", I jokingly tell Sara that I feel better now that this mistake corrects their earlier mistake. We put everything in the fridge though, and we start to make ourselves look all fancy. Sara puts on a black dress, and naturally, looks amazing....putting my look to shame, which consisted of wearing what I usually wear on a night out, just with a sport coat, but we look good damn it.
|Sexy People with Sexy Martinis|
We are seated, and quickly our waiter and his waiter-in-training are welcoming us. We're set for drinks for now, but decided we wanted a dozen oysters to start with. I usually go with just lemon on mine, but Sara loves the fresh horseradish and I feel like I should let that be known. Main course, we both go surf & turf and order a bottle of nice wine. A feast of steak, lobster, bearnaise sauce, butter sauce, and mashed potatoes became just a blissful haze as we devour what is surely one of the best meals in both of our lives. As the haze lifts, we realize that there's no way we can finish, so we take our leftovers with us, figuring it may make a great drunk meal later. High praise to you Coach, for your fine, fine dining experience. That meal was equivalent to a 17-0 perfect season, all in my stomach.
Ok, enough food porn. We head back to our hotel to change back into "drinking on the beach" clothes. For me, this meant loose shorts, which is great for my now expanded waist. We first pop our champagne and eat our strawberries and just sit on the balcony watching the lit street and rolling ocean. We're happy just sitting there, but soon, the champagne is gone, and we realize there is trouble. We have no booze, and it's after 9!
Well, problem solved, only in Wisconsin, where they try to keep us from killing ourselves from alcohol poisoning do they often stop sales at 9:00. We make a walk down to a liquor store, near beach place again. We decide we don't want to go to any bars though, just grab some beer and head back. We have a long day ahead of us in the morning. So, we just grab a 12 pack. Sara asks if we can drink legally on the streets. The guy working the counter assured us that while it isn't, legal...it isn't enforced. I apparently put my pussy pants on, because I'm not entirely sold on this. So, he offers us up tiny paper bags to conceal our cans. Now, I'm sold!
|Fort Lauderdale Beach at Night|
Good night Sara, good night Sara's birthday, good night Fort Lauderdale, good night part 1 of this blog.
Stay tuned for drunken nights and a harrowing adventure at sea!