Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Pewaukee - Whitewater's Newest Suburb

Last Sunday, over Memorial Day weekend. Mike and Andrea decided to christen their new place of residence with a good old fashioned flip cup tournament and cookout. I was excited for a couple of reasons. 1) they live just minutes from me 2) saves me money ($5 for beer and food) 3) I haven't had a good all day drunk for some time.

It was supposed to start around noon, so I showed up around 12:30, not wanting to be the first there. The good news is, I wasn't. I pulled in to the drive to see Mike's dad's Inifnity. The bad news, he left shortly after Andrea announced she was going to leave to pick up a beer bong. Which was sort of funny she says that with Mr. Brixius standing there.

One good thing about being first, was the keg had yet to be tapped. It has been years, literally, since I tapped a keg, and it felt goooood. The crowd started to show up shortly after, Justin & Angela, Jonny, Streich, Leah and friends, MVG, NH, Julia, Devonna. Others would show up a little later as well to keep the party going with fresh livers. There was some ladder golf, horsehoes, and of course tables for the flipping of the cups. It was sad though when we all wished we had a set of bags....then a light goes on in NH's head "wait, I have a set in my car!" The party was complete.

There was no real tournament of sorts, just people playing as they wished. I started off right where I finished the weekend in Whitewater, terrible. Thankfully this wasn't survivor style and I was able to regain my composure after a couple of attempts. Well, everyone was getting nice and lubed up, Andrea had started the beer bongs, Matt, Brent & Jess, and Leslie showed up. I started playing a game of dirty balls (ladder golf) just to not ever finish the game. I think we just sort of forgot about the game because we were too focused on getting our BAC up. During this whole stage is really where my memory is fuzzy. I remember laughing a lot...trying to convince Leah that we should have sex, and I remember it becoming dark. Mike's old neighbor dude brings his dog Mandy over to visit her new friend Steven....who attempts to get on Mandy, who is 4 times larger than Steven. Ummmmm, don't worry, my memory will come back strong as I apparently have slowed my drinking down quite a bit.

Anyways, night falls, and the barrel is cached out. Mike makes a run to the liquor store for some fine, high quality 30 packs of, Beast/Icehouse Light/Natty Ice. Mike then gets a lighter out, determined to start a campfire. Some have already left, Andrea was passed out. I think that maybe I should help, but then I feel some rain and decide against it. Mike stays trying to light something with the lighter wand. It is a futile attempt and we all trudge inside and down to the basement.

Not sure how this started, but Jonny and I ended up in a bit of a wrestling match. After I forced my sheer weight into a victory, Streich decides he is game for an ass whooping. Now Streich is a scrappy guy, trying to use his quickness in what he lacks in weight. Eventually I am able to take him down, but not without consequence. In the heat of battle I burn both my knees up pretty badly on the carpet. Thankfully I was able to leave me and my A+ blood on Streich's shorts. That way he can remember about how a guy weighing twice his weight took him down.

Here is where things start to get good.

Mike, passes out like, a turtle on his back Jonny C starts to make the corner of the basement his resting place for the night. Streich, MVG, NH, Julia, and I watch some TV. Some infomercial commercial thing comes on for a scooter, that looks like a bike. We all agree that a scooter that big is a really stupid idea. If I was going to get a scooter, would I not just get a Razor, so it would be portable and light? I decide to call this company and tell them about their retarded bike/scooter. However, their number had no one live, just computers wanting my credit card info. Onto the next commercial....Male Enhancement (not enzyte). This is too good to pass up. I call them up to what sounded like a young female (probably a college job she hates) on the phone asking if I want my free sample. I, truly curious, want to know if it really will make me 'larger'. She says in a straight voice, serious and whatnot, no, but it will make you firmer. I decide that I am plenty 'firm' enough (aka, didn't really want a sample or to give them my card info). This becomes the joke of the night amongst us five, about how firm I am. Even when it made no sense.

The TV bored us, and I honestly could have hit the sack at that point, but I was forced to go to Boomers, the bar near Mike's place. FYI, here is me being forced:

Dustin, let's go to Boomers

Nah, I'm tired



I then attempt to force Jonny to the bar, by shaking him. Which naturally, pisses him off. I give up on that endeavour and we journeyed to the bar. I am not really sure what time it was, but I am guessing around midnight.

I take a seat at the bar, MVG orders up a round of drinks, and we have some fun. Some guy next to me asked me my name..my answer "fucking awesome". Apparently this guy thought this was hilarious and proceeded to give me a shot that he did not want, a snake bite. They really aren't as bad as this guy portrayed it to be. And I have had plenty in my day.

We move our sorry selves to the electronic bags game, where I quickly lose interest. Streich though finds the dark complected player, and decides it looks exactly like him. I pick the chick, because I would rather look at a computer chick ass, than a computer guy ass. Everyone then talks about some pool player and me talking, buit I don't recall such an event happening. This really short bartender then calls bartime, and Streich and I plead for one more drink, but to no avail, we were being booted. She did though hand us a free drink poker chip for our next visit to Boomers.

Bar time, the night would seem to be over, right? Incorrect, we were still thirsting for more, and crack into the terrible beer supply at Mike's. Well, on our return home from the bar, we noticed a house across the street from Mike's seemed to be having a party. We grab some beer and walk over to this house hoping they let us in for a rocking good time. They do. One minor problem, this is an obvious High School party. Some of Pewaukee High's best and brightest, I am sure. One of the first things we see is some douche rocket with his shirt off and hat tipped to the side bragging how he just had 26 shots. This of course, was extremely laughable, because if he did, he drank a lot of Pucker. The best part is, after (who I named shirtless) said this, this kid who appeared to be passed out on the couch fires up and proclaims he too drank 26 shots. Not impressed I challenge Shirtless to a shot off.

At this point, all I can think about is how in Beerfest the guys went to a high school party to "Mix it up a little bit" in order to play drinking games for practice. Then, after I made the challenge for a shot-off, I thought of the episode of
Fresh Prince where Will drinks shots with the college's star football player just to get wasted and dream about dead people. I, however, was not concerned with ending up like young Will Smith.

So, Shirtless, goes to the liquor cabinet to find something, looks for a while, then just walks into the garage like nothing happened. Streich and I, determined to play a drinking game walk into the garage to see them playing beer pong...this we thought was going to be fun. The problem is, apparently kids in Pewaukee have too much money as they were playing for $20! Streich just looks at them in disgust and says "Yeah, we normally just play for the drinks". We head back inside.

I am in the shot mode now, and decide to dig through what I can only assume to be one kid's parent's liquor cabinet. Nothing good. Creme De Cacao, SAN JUAN RUM!!! REALLY?!?!, and then a saw some Grand Marnier. I pull the bottle out but was stopped by the one guy who was older than us. I am hoping he was an older brother. He does after a while give us a shot of the Grand Marnier.

Megan, Nicole, and Julia, decide to change their names, so no one would actually know who they were. The problem with their theory is they used each other's names, so there was still a Megan, Nicole, and Julia, just on different faces. They then decide to give Aaron a new name as well, Juan. This does not please Aaron, and he shows everyone his ID that his name is actually Aaron. This prompts one of the girls to show us her ID, and her last name is the hollowed name of Toth. Streich and I naturally ask if she knows the honorable B.Toth, she does not, we were sad. We wonder what B.Toth was doing at that moment, and figure that he is somewhere being honorable.

Shirtless comes back in the kitchen, convinced that Aaron was his drivers ed instructor. Aaron denies vehemently that he did not...which leads to Shirtless continuing to swear on his life that he taught him how to drive. What is funny is, Aaron obviously did teach him, as he taught drivers ed for years before the 'scooter incident'.

Our buddy's name, Conor, was a pretty cool kid I think. Normal, not douchy, not an idiot, and his name reminded Streich and I of Conor Jackson. We of course tell him, that if he was in fact Conor Jackson, he would be a pretty pimp 1B player for the Diamondbacks. The kid had a shirt, which he said he designed and made, of a bat...so, I call him Batman (as you can tell, I am very original in my naming at this part).

I am saving the best part for last. For those who were there, you were wondering where this tidbit was, well, here, well, the next paragraph.

There was this girl, who I learned her name was Britney. I don't want to sound mean, because she was very drunk, but she seemed your typical blonde bimbo. Every time she walked into the room I would say hi. I think she was impressed that I knew her name and kept saying hello. Eventually it became pretty obvious that this girl was digging me. Now, when I was in high school, I don't recall it being so easy to get the good looking girls, maybe she was impressed an older man knew her name, not sure. Well, I was playing along, and it was fun, but it borderlined statutory when she came over and sat on my lap (she was supposedly 18 actually, but still, not playing this game anymore). I raise my hands to signal I was having no part of this, she eventually moves on. At one point in the night I was talking to Streich and turned around to a chicken nugget dipped in BBQ about 3 inches from my face. It was a perfect turn around, not knowing there was a person, let alone a chicken nugget right next to me. I shoot a look of shock and confusion as Britney fed me that chicken nugget. It was pretty darn weird.

Eventually we get booted and carry on back to Mike's. I am sure those kids are talking about how the 30 year olds all showed up. We woke Mike up, cooked some cheeseburgers, and then went to bed. Not in the best place to add pics, but I am going to steal some off my facebook eventually.

Dustin Info
Location - 40 miles outside of Indianapolis and approaching. I am currently riding shotgun in a truck with a wireless card.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A Whitewater Weekend

Last weekend I traveled to good old Whitewater for some old fashioned fun(getting to literally mean 'old' fashioned...soon, not yet), to celebrate MVG and Streich's commencement from the University of Wisconsin - Whitewater. They too, will now feel the joy's of a world that doesn't give you summer vacations and where drinking is limited to 1 or 2....maaaaybe 3 nights a week if you're feeling adventurous. The obvious perk though of graduating is the sweet newsletter that shows up at your door to see if they randomly killed off anymore of your friends who are actually alive. I still say it is a miracle Jonny, if a fine institution like UW-Whitewater thinks you are dead, and then you aren't....well you sir, performed a miracle. Two more of those and you have saint written all over you!

I first stopped at Denny's to have a beer with the very goateed Peter Meyer, who apparently is waiting for 1995 to return. After the beer it is off to the party. The party was at Megan's place on Caine, which I was honestly pumped for. It had been a long time since I hung out with the EEE girls, and I was having Sigma withdrawal and I think they missed me too, or they better have!

I don't think it is a coincidence that the moment I showed up, the parentals left. They saw a kid, who had some obvious drinking experience...literally saw the beer gut and the alcoholically aged complexion. First up, after the cheese curds and what tasted a lot like cowboy potatoes, was some flip cup action. At first I was on fire, two flips was devastating to me. As we started up a game of survivor flip cup I was feeling good. However, after our team started to lose, I seemed to be the one that always got to drink the extra cups......then, tragedy struck. It took me about 10 flips on one of my cups, thus sealing my fate in survivor flip cup. I then remember NH telling me some news that made me happy.....then


So, suddenly I am at the Pub. I wish I could transport like that whenever I wanted to, but it seems to happen in WW only. Scientists should check that town out for some crazy radioactive elements or something.

Anyways, the Pub. I was doing my normal harassing of the bartenders. Trying to buy them shots every 5 minutes and asking why no one was around. It was 9:30 and they can't drink until Midnight. The beauty of the Whitewater bars, as most of you know, is the affordablity. I was low on cash and had just ordered 3 shots. I had $7...........anywhere else this would not cut it, and I was nervous about having to make a mid-shot ATM run. Naturally, $7 was enough money for those shots in WW. Then this girl had some fingernail polish and she wanted to try it out. So, my right hand was soon adorned with 3 shiny pink fingernails, oh goodie (more on those fingernails).

WHAM, I am at Pumpers. ew. What did I deserve to be transported to such an awful bar. I bump into an old Arrow buddy...we talk about stuff I am sure.

Now I have been magically transported to the Downstairs looking for friends who I have apparently lost. Then I get a magical idea, go order Rosa's and keep dialing away for friends. I have been calling NH now many, many times on my blackberry with no answer. Why the blackberry, because naturally, I lose people and my phone with most of my numbers on it dies. This leaves NH has the only relevant person in my phone for where I am supposed to sleep. I decide to take a break from my nonstop calling so I can enjoy my Italian Beef, where else, but on the street corner. Yes people, I had my dipping sauces conveniently placed on the sidewalk and chowed down to the looks of concerned drunks.

I then was struck with an idea, go to my car, charge my phone so I can call some people. GENIUS! I walk to my car (a 5 minute walk from where I was to sleep that night), and then I time traveled again. This time I was placed in the back seat of my car crunched up in the little Ion. I was shivering, just to find a hoodie laying next to me (not on me). Then my neck hurt a lot, and I found out a jug of window washer fluid had made for my pillow that night.

Well, what else am I to do at this point but drive home, 6 am.

Back to the fingernail polish. My friend Kristen was supposed to bring some remover over for me, but she fell asleep and never delivered. This left me going to work the next day in the office scraping furiously with my keys and a pen cap to get the shit off. I can't get it all off before I have a big meeting. I proceed to hide my right hand the entire time......then I found a dollar.

Anyhow, if you've ever been to Whitewater, and I know all 4 of my readers have, then you know that this is just a typical night, it is called being Whitewater Drunk.....and this sort of drunk is not acceptable in any other city that I know of.

People, do not let your kids go to Whitewater, I know I won't.

Current Dustin Info:
Location - Buffalo, NY
Song stuck in my head for weeks - Bon Jovi - Someday I'll be Saturday Night
Clothing - License Plate Boxers (picture that people)
TV Program Watching - American Idol finale (first show watched since auditions)
Favorite thing heard today - "Monkey wants my burger" (Red Robin commercial)
Food Ate Today - Panera for lunch and chicken parm from the hotel for dinner

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Where in the hell is Callahan Auto Parts?

Greeting folks from Sandusky, Ohio!

Yes, I made like young Tommy Callahan and left Milwaukee for Sandusky for a job I would rather not do. Differences obviously, I didn't graduate Marquette, I don't work in Sandusky, and my dad isn't a millionaire.

What would I like to do? I would like to go to Cedar Point and ride roller coasters. But noo, I have to drive a truck and trailer for work.

Yes, my company loves to let me drive a large pickup truck with a 24 ft trailer around the country, and yes, they know I want nothing to do with this damn trailer, I was never hired to drive a trailer, and let me stress again, I hate this trailer.

The trip wasn't actually too bad, it was a sunny day and it was all interstate. The problem, so far up to $50 in tolls, with more toll roads to come. Sure, I get paid back, but it will be in the end of July. I need this money now for my trip to Myrtle Beach in a few weeks.

Funny story. While driving through Chicago, one of the toll booth workers yelled, I mean, YELLED, at me. Why? Because this man who obviously hates life, mumbled some number that no one would be able to understand. See, I don't know what they charge me when I have the trailer, as they don't really post that shit anywhere visible beforehand. Anyways, I ask politely what he said, and he yells, extremely pissed off $2.25!!!!! This at first seemed to tick me off, but then really made my day. For some reason, that guy snapping at a toll booth, amused me.

Tomorrow though, I head to Buffalo....but don't worry folks, home on Friday around noon! (via airplane)

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Obama in '08, Butteris in 2020

Yep, a Political Blog

I received in e-mail the other day from a co-worker who apparently was unfamiliar with my political beliefs and who I am voting for. Below is the e-mail, my comments will be in bold, the email in italics:

Subject: The Obama Tidal Wave

> I'm so afraid to vote and so afraid NOT to vote, but this sure doesn't
> sound like a solution to me!!!!

> Subject: The Obama Tidal Wave>

> We are witnessing a political phenomenon with Barack Obama of rare
> magnitude. His speeches have inspired millions and yet most of his
> followers have no idea of what he stands for except platitudes of
> "Change" or that he says he will be a "Uniter".(I believe Bushie boy claimed he was a Uniter)

> The power of speech from a charismatic person truly can be a powerful
> thing.

> Certainly Billy Graham had charisma and both his manner of speech and
> particularly the content changed millions. On the extreme other hand,
> the charisma of Adolph Hitler inspired millions and the results were
> catastrophic. (People like Billy Graham, and now Pat Robertson are part of the major problems of this country, talk about people following blindly, and yes, I am a Christian)

> Barack Obama certainly is no Hitler or a Billy Graham, but for many
> Americans out there feeling just like a surfer who might be ecstatic
> and euphoric while riding a tidal wave, the real story is what happens
> when it hits shore. Just Some of What Defines Barack Obama:>

> . He voted against banning partial birth abortion.>

> . He voted no on notifying parents of minors who get out-of-state
> abortions.

> (I don't touch the abortion issue, no way am I getting involved on this)

> . Supports affirmative action in Colleges and Government.
(This is a program designed to help, but it needs to be scaled back a little bit. However, it is probably necessary in certain areas still, so, no problem to me

> . In 2001 he questioned harsh penalties for drug dealing.
(First, you have to look at his constituents, South Chicago. Also, unless there is violence, let's not crowd our jails, especially if it is Marijuana)>

> . Says he will deal with street level drug dealing as a minimum wage affair.

> . Admitted marijuana and cocaine use in high school and in college.
(Good for him, we all have past demons...Also, George Bush, cocaine...yeah, let's not be hypocrites)>

> . His religious convictions are very murky.
(Says who? The man is a Christian. His pastor went crazy, sure, but that isn't an issue to me)

> . He is willing to meet with Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, Kim Jung Il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

> . Has said that one of his first goals after being elected would be to have a conference with all Muslim nations.

(What is wrong with diplomacy? As Kennedy said, "Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.")

> . Opposed the Patriot Act.
(Just because the word Patriot is in it, doesn't make it good. It infringes on citizen's constitutional rights...good for Obama to oppose this shit Act)

> . First bill he signed that was passed was campaign finance reform.
(Sounds good to me, that shit is getting out of control, Hey Republicans, McCain is your nominee...let us not forget the McCain/Feingold act)

> . Voted No on prohibiting law suits against gun manufacturers.
(The one thing I am not a huge fan of his is he has wants increased gun control, which isn't a bad idea, but goes against the 2nd Amendment a little bit. Once again, jsut remember, he represented South Chicago in the IL Senate, where guns are out of control)

> . Supports universal health-care.
(I would say this to be a good thing)

> . Voted yes on providing habeas corpus for Guantanamo detainees.
(Just because Georgie can't pronounce Habeas Corpus, doesn't mean we should disregard a part of our Constitution)>

> . Supports granting driver's licenses to illegal immigrants.
(Well, one license works for like, 23 people. Ok, that was bad, but funny)

> . Supports extending welfare to illegal immigrants.

> . Voted NO to making English the official language of the USA.
(Remember, this is a free country, do, speak, commerce, as you please)
> . Voted yes on comprehensive immigration reform.

> . Voted yes on allowing illegal aliens to participate in Social Security.

> . Wants to make the minimum wage a "living wage".
(Our minimum wage sucks, people can't 'live' off of it)

> Voted with Democratic Party 96 percent of 251 votes.
(Well, I guess he is a Democrat..shocking)

> . Is a big believer in the separation of church and state.
(I love this one...Separation of Church and State is right in the constitution!)

> . Opposed to any efforts to Privatize Social Security and instead supports increasing the amount of tax paid.
(I personally wouldn't mind privatization, but let's face it, it isn't going to happen)

> . He voted No on repealing the Alternative Minimum Tax.>

> . He voted No on repealing the "Death" Tax>

> . He wants to raise the Capital Gains Tax.
(Not sure, but isn't this a rich person tax?)

> . Has repeatedly said the surge in Iraq has not succeeded.
(Worst War, EVER! He is right)

> . He is ranked as the most liberal Senator in the Senate today and that takes some doing.

> If your political choices are consistent with Barack Obama's and you
> think that his positions will bring America together or make it a
> better place, then you will probably enjoy the ride and not forward this Email. If you are like most Americans that after examining what he stands for, are truly not in line with his record, it would be prudent to get off the wave or better yet, never get on, before it comes on shore and undermines the very foundations of this great Country.
(George W. Bush might have well spat on the Constitution, time for a change. I am riding this wave still)