Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Pewaukee - Whitewater's Newest Suburb

Last Sunday, over Memorial Day weekend. Mike and Andrea decided to christen their new place of residence with a good old fashioned flip cup tournament and cookout. I was excited for a couple of reasons. 1) they live just minutes from me 2) saves me money ($5 for beer and food) 3) I haven't had a good all day drunk for some time.

It was supposed to start around noon, so I showed up around 12:30, not wanting to be the first there. The good news is, I wasn't. I pulled in to the drive to see Mike's dad's Inifnity. The bad news, he left shortly after Andrea announced she was going to leave to pick up a beer bong. Which was sort of funny she says that with Mr. Brixius standing there.

One good thing about being first, was the keg had yet to be tapped. It has been years, literally, since I tapped a keg, and it felt goooood. The crowd started to show up shortly after, Justin & Angela, Jonny, Streich, Leah and friends, MVG, NH, Julia, Devonna. Others would show up a little later as well to keep the party going with fresh livers. There was some ladder golf, horsehoes, and of course tables for the flipping of the cups. It was sad though when we all wished we had a set of bags....then a light goes on in NH's head "wait, I have a set in my car!" The party was complete.

There was no real tournament of sorts, just people playing as they wished. I started off right where I finished the weekend in Whitewater, terrible. Thankfully this wasn't survivor style and I was able to regain my composure after a couple of attempts. Well, everyone was getting nice and lubed up, Andrea had started the beer bongs, Matt, Brent & Jess, and Leslie showed up. I started playing a game of dirty balls (ladder golf) just to not ever finish the game. I think we just sort of forgot about the game because we were too focused on getting our BAC up. During this whole stage is really where my memory is fuzzy. I remember laughing a lot...trying to convince Leah that we should have sex, and I remember it becoming dark. Mike's old neighbor dude brings his dog Mandy over to visit her new friend Steven....who attempts to get on Mandy, who is 4 times larger than Steven. Ummmmm, don't worry, my memory will come back strong as I apparently have slowed my drinking down quite a bit.

Anyways, night falls, and the barrel is cached out. Mike makes a run to the liquor store for some fine, high quality 30 packs of, Beast/Icehouse Light/Natty Ice. Mike then gets a lighter out, determined to start a campfire. Some have already left, Andrea was passed out. I think that maybe I should help, but then I feel some rain and decide against it. Mike stays trying to light something with the lighter wand. It is a futile attempt and we all trudge inside and down to the basement.

Not sure how this started, but Jonny and I ended up in a bit of a wrestling match. After I forced my sheer weight into a victory, Streich decides he is game for an ass whooping. Now Streich is a scrappy guy, trying to use his quickness in what he lacks in weight. Eventually I am able to take him down, but not without consequence. In the heat of battle I burn both my knees up pretty badly on the carpet. Thankfully I was able to leave me and my A+ blood on Streich's shorts. That way he can remember about how a guy weighing twice his weight took him down.

Here is where things start to get good.

Mike, passes out like, a turtle on his back Jonny C starts to make the corner of the basement his resting place for the night. Streich, MVG, NH, Julia, and I watch some TV. Some infomercial commercial thing comes on for a scooter, that looks like a bike. We all agree that a scooter that big is a really stupid idea. If I was going to get a scooter, would I not just get a Razor, so it would be portable and light? I decide to call this company and tell them about their retarded bike/scooter. However, their number had no one live, just computers wanting my credit card info. Onto the next commercial....Male Enhancement (not enzyte). This is too good to pass up. I call them up to what sounded like a young female (probably a college job she hates) on the phone asking if I want my free sample. I, truly curious, want to know if it really will make me 'larger'. She says in a straight voice, serious and whatnot, no, but it will make you firmer. I decide that I am plenty 'firm' enough (aka, didn't really want a sample or to give them my card info). This becomes the joke of the night amongst us five, about how firm I am. Even when it made no sense.

The TV bored us, and I honestly could have hit the sack at that point, but I was forced to go to Boomers, the bar near Mike's place. FYI, here is me being forced:

Dustin, let's go to Boomers

Nah, I'm tired



I then attempt to force Jonny to the bar, by shaking him. Which naturally, pisses him off. I give up on that endeavour and we journeyed to the bar. I am not really sure what time it was, but I am guessing around midnight.

I take a seat at the bar, MVG orders up a round of drinks, and we have some fun. Some guy next to me asked me my name..my answer "fucking awesome". Apparently this guy thought this was hilarious and proceeded to give me a shot that he did not want, a snake bite. They really aren't as bad as this guy portrayed it to be. And I have had plenty in my day.

We move our sorry selves to the electronic bags game, where I quickly lose interest. Streich though finds the dark complected player, and decides it looks exactly like him. I pick the chick, because I would rather look at a computer chick ass, than a computer guy ass. Everyone then talks about some pool player and me talking, buit I don't recall such an event happening. This really short bartender then calls bartime, and Streich and I plead for one more drink, but to no avail, we were being booted. She did though hand us a free drink poker chip for our next visit to Boomers.

Bar time, the night would seem to be over, right? Incorrect, we were still thirsting for more, and crack into the terrible beer supply at Mike's. Well, on our return home from the bar, we noticed a house across the street from Mike's seemed to be having a party. We grab some beer and walk over to this house hoping they let us in for a rocking good time. They do. One minor problem, this is an obvious High School party. Some of Pewaukee High's best and brightest, I am sure. One of the first things we see is some douche rocket with his shirt off and hat tipped to the side bragging how he just had 26 shots. This of course, was extremely laughable, because if he did, he drank a lot of Pucker. The best part is, after (who I named shirtless) said this, this kid who appeared to be passed out on the couch fires up and proclaims he too drank 26 shots. Not impressed I challenge Shirtless to a shot off.

At this point, all I can think about is how in Beerfest the guys went to a high school party to "Mix it up a little bit" in order to play drinking games for practice. Then, after I made the challenge for a shot-off, I thought of the episode of
Fresh Prince where Will drinks shots with the college's star football player just to get wasted and dream about dead people. I, however, was not concerned with ending up like young Will Smith.

So, Shirtless, goes to the liquor cabinet to find something, looks for a while, then just walks into the garage like nothing happened. Streich and I, determined to play a drinking game walk into the garage to see them playing beer pong...this we thought was going to be fun. The problem is, apparently kids in Pewaukee have too much money as they were playing for $20! Streich just looks at them in disgust and says "Yeah, we normally just play for the drinks". We head back inside.

I am in the shot mode now, and decide to dig through what I can only assume to be one kid's parent's liquor cabinet. Nothing good. Creme De Cacao, SAN JUAN RUM!!! REALLY?!?!, and then a saw some Grand Marnier. I pull the bottle out but was stopped by the one guy who was older than us. I am hoping he was an older brother. He does after a while give us a shot of the Grand Marnier.

Megan, Nicole, and Julia, decide to change their names, so no one would actually know who they were. The problem with their theory is they used each other's names, so there was still a Megan, Nicole, and Julia, just on different faces. They then decide to give Aaron a new name as well, Juan. This does not please Aaron, and he shows everyone his ID that his name is actually Aaron. This prompts one of the girls to show us her ID, and her last name is the hollowed name of Toth. Streich and I naturally ask if she knows the honorable B.Toth, she does not, we were sad. We wonder what B.Toth was doing at that moment, and figure that he is somewhere being honorable.

Shirtless comes back in the kitchen, convinced that Aaron was his drivers ed instructor. Aaron denies vehemently that he did not...which leads to Shirtless continuing to swear on his life that he taught him how to drive. What is funny is, Aaron obviously did teach him, as he taught drivers ed for years before the 'scooter incident'.

Our buddy's name, Conor, was a pretty cool kid I think. Normal, not douchy, not an idiot, and his name reminded Streich and I of Conor Jackson. We of course tell him, that if he was in fact Conor Jackson, he would be a pretty pimp 1B player for the Diamondbacks. The kid had a shirt, which he said he designed and made, of a bat...so, I call him Batman (as you can tell, I am very original in my naming at this part).

I am saving the best part for last. For those who were there, you were wondering where this tidbit was, well, here, well, the next paragraph.

There was this girl, who I learned her name was Britney. I don't want to sound mean, because she was very drunk, but she seemed your typical blonde bimbo. Every time she walked into the room I would say hi. I think she was impressed that I knew her name and kept saying hello. Eventually it became pretty obvious that this girl was digging me. Now, when I was in high school, I don't recall it being so easy to get the good looking girls, maybe she was impressed an older man knew her name, not sure. Well, I was playing along, and it was fun, but it borderlined statutory when she came over and sat on my lap (she was supposedly 18 actually, but still, not playing this game anymore). I raise my hands to signal I was having no part of this, she eventually moves on. At one point in the night I was talking to Streich and turned around to a chicken nugget dipped in BBQ about 3 inches from my face. It was a perfect turn around, not knowing there was a person, let alone a chicken nugget right next to me. I shoot a look of shock and confusion as Britney fed me that chicken nugget. It was pretty darn weird.

Eventually we get booted and carry on back to Mike's. I am sure those kids are talking about how the 30 year olds all showed up. We woke Mike up, cooked some cheeseburgers, and then went to bed. Not in the best place to add pics, but I am going to steal some off my facebook eventually.

Dustin Info
Location - 40 miles outside of Indianapolis and approaching. I am currently riding shotgun in a truck with a wireless card.

1 comment:

bdog said...

if they thought you were 30 then i would be considered 60 ... and close to retirement!