Last Time on The Bantering Butteris
The heroes were on their way to the church via limo, running slightly behind schedule due to a greasy lunch. The Heroines were getting ready at the church. And I was in charge of two 'preciouses'!
After some brews on the limo, and the 'Good Doc' to mintify our breaths, it was time for our entrance into the church. Of course, it was early, and really no one was there yet, so, the entrance wasn't too grand, but, we were there. No one was missing, step 1 of a successful wedding complete! We all get to chill out in some side room for a bit, nothing exciting at all. Then a lady claiming to be the photographer finds me to take the rings for some pictures. Oh lord, I am being tested with these already, but she said my name, so I, without thinking hand them over to her and she disappears. Jon wonders if she isn't some scam artist at stealing wedding rings. I realize that my name is posted in the bulletin's, and one could easily assume the best man has the rings....she didn't have a camera with her or anything! Oh no! I really wasn't too worried, but, wow, I hope I don't give people any ideas on how to ruin a wedding yet get a couple thou' in the process.
The, so called photographer came back, with the rings, and a camera....and made us guys go outside, so, I guess she is legit. She takes some photos, I look fat...but it makes Mark look good, so, I guess.
Mark Has to Pee, Like 6 times
People were filing in now, most of us were mingling with some friends. I become nervous that I have drank several alcoholic beverages and had broken the seal. Thank goodness for an un-Catholic wedding I think to myself. Right before show time, I decide to squeeze what is left, just to make sure.
You know how when you are nervous, you have to go? Well, it is a normal thing, so if you don't know about that feeling, then you are weird. Well, Mark, made a few trips to the bathroom, and I of course find it amusing.
The pastor tells Mark to take his place, seated just inside the doorway, and the girls make their appearance. We line up, and the guys are off. Dick messed up the positioning at first, but we quickly corrected the problem. Disaster avoided.
We all do the walk thing, grab the girls. Then Mark gets Stacey, she look amazing by the way! This may seem like I am being vague, but, it is a church service, nothing too out of the ordinary is going to happen.
I would like to say, that I feel that I have perfected the lip-syncing of church songs. The key is to actually air the words out.
So, the moment of truth, the pastor is wanting the rings for Mark and Stacey. I have been checking my pockets nonstop for the past hour, even during the first part of the service. I knew they were both there, but now, the hand off had to take place. I reach in my pocket, 1 ring....the other ring was stubborn and wouldn't get in my grasp. People, know this, Stacey has a ridiculously small finger, which leads to a tiny ring, which leads to me struggling to grab it. I did finally get the rings out and to the pastor, but not w/o it looking like I just played a game of pocket pool with myself.
After lighting the candle, Mark gives me a Hezbollah Style Fist Jab...I take this as a cue to brush the dirt off his shoulders as Stacey's train was being fixed. Then after the ceremony, I had to sign my name as a witness for the legality of their wedding license. I signed my name to perfection, thankfully, that was a lot of pressure!
Me and Limos Look Good Together
After the ceremony, the receiving line, and pictures, we hopped in the stretch Explorer for some drinks. Oh, and to go to a park for pictures, but mostly for drinks! First up, naturally, was to pole the bottle of Doctor. A couple passes back and forth, and it was cached pretty quick. I get out the Pucker (which I purchased with the aide of my assistant thanks to Giddee and Mark saying no one likes McGillicuddy). Well, guess what, no one likes pucker! Sara ruined the wedding...jk, we all did our best to take it down like champs. In fact, Jessie, Stacey's sis-in-law, took some of Erik's Jack Daniel Single Barrel and mixed it up with the Pucker for an Apple Jack....nice work Jessie!
We get to the park, and as we are getting out of the limo, someone asks me to hold their bouquet for them, I do, and get out of the limo to.....*snap* a picture being taken of me holding a bouquet...great! The photographer yells (more like tells) some kids to move, we take pics. Sara sucks at the Top Gun high five, Jon and Mark rock it to perfection though (I am starting to become the high five guy when drinking these days).
Now we are heading to the hotel...we are dangerously low on beer, so, when we arrive we all jet up to Sara, Jon, and I's room for the remaining beer. Yes, about 10 or so people in tuxes and dresses, 1 in a wedding dress, jam into this hotel room for some drinking action before the dinner.
After will kill the beer in my room, we go lineup for the introductions. We are walking to the Indiana Jones theme music. I have long been a proponent of the guy getting to choose the music to the Introductions/Grand March, and I had said to Mark some time ago about how at my sister's wedding they did the Star Wars theme, and I also told him that if someday, I ever get married, what I am going to have (I am not telling you people!). This scratched two items from his favorites, and he went with Indiana Jones, which worked out nice, for the new movie came out just a couple weeks previous.
We sit down, and Mark is talking about letting the crowd know that to get them to kiss, they have to make a putt. I volunteer, and when the glasses clanged, I gave the announcement, and decided to give an example of how it is done. I miss the putt, so naturally, I move the ball right next to the hole to cheat...and still miss the putt. Thankfully the photographer caught both misses on film.
What is this man rambling about?
Well, my other main duty, and final, as best man is to give a speech/toast. I had thought about what I wanted to say, but was nervous. I had a couple of stories, a couple of nice moments, and when it came time, Mark tells me no stories and to keep it short. So, I wing it! I honestly am not even sure what all I said, it was a big nervous blurb to me. I did mention how Mark told me that he was 98% sure he was going to marry Stacey after about 2 weeks of dating (I said 99% for a story's sake)...and, really, not sure what else. I can't even remember what I said for the toast. No, I was not wasted, I made it a point to not get wasted before this, I was just running on pure adrenalin, and here I was...two best friends of mine getting married and I am winging it. And then Allison, the Matron of Honor, gives her speech, and she rocks it, but I am pretty much sure that the girl's always out speak the guys at these things, so, I shouldn't feel too bad. Anyways, game on, I have nothing holding me back from getting wasted and having a rocking good time!
After consuming several/many beers, I am pumped and ready to hit the dance floor. Giddee and I join for a few slow songs, but our moment of glory came when a swing song came on ( I think it was at least). I proceed to try my best swing moves that was taught to me by some of my Highland gals. Problem: I am drunk and Sara doesn't have any clue what I am about to do. I swing her around a few times, and she gets these looks of fear on her face, which the photographer did a nice job of getting one of these faces of terror. All this dancing causes me to become disheveled, but, no stopping! Jon may have set a record for most dances with another guy.
Actually, I got upset that no one was around, but then went outside and saw everyone enjoying the amazing night. Couldn't have asked for a better day for a wedding. Once it got dark, everyone moved back inside, so, all good.
Actually, when it got dark, we were all instructed to go outside and light some sparklers in two lines. We do, and Mark and Stacey run under the sparklers. Seems dangerous, but it was neat. We light the leftovers and I make one of my patented, ridiculous statements. You know how with sparklers you write your name in the sky? Well:
"Everybody! Write your name, and pretend it's better than mine"
Yeah, I am an idiot.
None of this is in order I am sure, but, here is how it goes in my head:
So, we go back in, and it is time for the tradition of throwing items at groups of people. Mike catches the garter, which is hilarious for two reasons. 1) He is actually the next of our group of friends getting married, so, that worked 2) Stacey is awesome and had a Brewers garter, Mike is a huge Cub fan. Stef, Guss' girlfriend, and Pub girlfriend of many of us, catches the bouquet, and Mike and her share what I think was supposed to be a slow dance, though, it was, more like a drunken rain dance or something.
Now the dance floor was hopping, I think we brought the house down with some Beastie Boys. Andrea and I shared a dance to Take My Breath Away. I had to take a break from the dancing for a bit though. There were some sandwiches to help with our drunken hunger pangs, and Jon and I get the fantastic idea, to play bloody knuckles. We played for probably 30 minutes or so, it was very random, yet awesome! I should also mention, Mike talked with old people for almost the entire night (sorry Mark and Stacey's families). And Jon struck out swinging with Stacey's cousin, that was amusing to us all.
When it Hit Me
Now, I should preface this with letting you know that I was in a very unique situation. I had known Stacey since the start of Freshman year at UWW, and I didn't hang out with Mark (or know him for that matter) until a couple of years later and certainly became best friends with him. Stacey, would go out and have a good time, but she wasn't the every night bar rat like Mark and I were. When they finally met, everything worked out amazing (obviously)! But, I had the joy of watching two friends of mine fall in love (eww, emotions).
So, the night was winding down and of all the songs for the DJ to play, he plays Andrew W.K. - Party Hard. This song takes me back to the dorm days, when we would jam out to this song all the time. Not that it was an amazing song, but we just liked to horse around and have a good time. So, when this song played I mentioned to Stacey that the song will always remind me of the dorms and the good times we had. She says she knows, and that she requested the song. This still gets me sort of teary eyed that she did this, for it reminded me of the fun times that we had, and how far we had come in life since we were 18/19 years old. It then was the point that made me realize that two of my friends were happily married to each other.
I don't do emotions, but you know what I mean
So, I was going to go through some of the good times I had shared with both Mark and Stacey through the years, but they know them all, so, I'll just end it with this statement....You two rock.....and I am awesome